Expectations: The Silent Dreamkiller

I have realized from my own attitudes that, gone undetected, expectations will kill your dreams, destroy the ability to find gratitude and sew seeds of deep bitterness & attitude of victimization.   A lethal recipe for a poison that will steal the life and light from any moment or relationship that you hold dear.

I am realizing that I have to beg for exposure of my undetected expectations about homeschooling.  I have to suspend them as I see them.

I think I'm more afraid of what is unseen - but isn't that also where truly walking in faith comes in?  Be sure of what you HOPE for and CERTAIN of what you CANNOT see.

Huh>

Unsolicited Confirmation Always Feels Good

I am so grateful for being able to process this journey, one day at a time.  It's a fascinating process.  I have seen over the years and, especially after I have committed to homeschooling, that I continue to follow breadcrumbs of confirmation that I am walking the path God has led before me, including my family.

On a few occasions, just this week, there were things that made it clear that Ginger could really thrive if given more dynamic opportunities that are now open to us.

My parenting has been so much less about the box and getting us into it.

My mind has opened up to a lot of brainstorming that I've not previously given myself permission to explore.

I can't wait to hang out with her.  Chat more.

She's a naturally inquisitive person - so there is no telling where we will go!!!

I met and connected with other homeschool moms who I see will be kindreds at least in this arena.

So, that's that for that.

It's a beautiful day - my son is back in his not-so-self-controlled-self.  Ugh.  Going to be a long few weeks  until it cycles out of him again.

Enjoy today.  Accept love.  Live in and through Grace.  Take responsibility.  You are beautiful.

Inadequate Apology for Insensitivity in last post

My Post summarizing Chapter 4 of the book I'm reading made a statement regarding medication for children with diagnosis as being a way of "ignoring" a problem.  I was simply stating what the book said, so that I am not painting all with a rosy brush. However, I was so tired and focused on the other topics, I did NOT mention (which was totally insensitive of me) that I disagree with their blanket statement - I know many moms who have kids that are in seasons of life where the medical assistance they get allows them to enjoy being kids.  Without it - there would be a huge deficit.  I myself have been on Prozac for a season and my family thanks me.
Again, I cannot apologize enough for causing some of my sweet and cherished friends anguish about simply loving their kids with all their heart mind soul & strength.
I am just grateful that they love me enough to be honest with me about it... thank you.  That is humbling.

...It's Just Getting Really Good at Staring At The Cat

Chapter 4 -TFYOHYC - Homeschool or not, this changed my life in 23 pages!

I wish that were an exaggeration...  but I would now recommend this book for marriage, parenting, friendships, faith...  OK - I'll do my best to sum up - but might end up rewriting the whole chapter.

• Get to know your own learning style (naturally, not imposed) and your childs.  Order these books: "Discover Your Child's Learning Style" -Kindle Hodson (Prima 1999) and "In Their Own Way: Discovering and Encouraging Your Child's Personal Learning Style"
• A little person grows in their own way and at their own pace.  Just like you can't teach a baby to walk before they are developmentally ready, the same goes for younger kids in many ways.
• Be careful of previously placed "labels" for your child.  They may be a dumbed down way to handle a learning style that is not addressed for kids in school (I've noticed that in a lot of schools - they seem to teach to only 2 of the 8 or 9 learning styles and if you don't excel at those, you are left in the dust and labeled).
• "In the late 20th Century America, when it is difficult, expensive or inconvenient to change the environment, we don't think twice about changing/numbing the brain of the person who has to live in it." Ken Livingston, Vassar psychology professor
• In homeschooling, you can change the environment as you see your little ones change and grow.
• Artificially forcing a certain learning style is destructive in many ways (my husband was labeled by the system when he was very young as dyslexic and he fights that demon on a regular basis (and he's a much faster/better/more curious reader than many I know).
• This chapter really emphasized the importance of caution in the area of labeled kids.  It talks about medications in a way that is quite generalized and I have too many friends who've been in the difficult position of choosing the right path for their kids.  So, this was something I disagree with personally.  No one can put a blanket answer on all kids.  (strike one for the book)  Homeschooling is much less tragic than losing a child to this repeated discouragement and possibly worse/fatal consequences.
• Harvard weighs in on the "Multiple Intelligences"/Learning Styles - Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences.  The schools teach to the first two:
• Linguistic: reading/listening
• Logical/Mathematical
• Bodily-Kinesthetic
• Visual-Spacial
• Musical
• Interpersonal
• Intrapersonal
• Naturalist
• Gardner calls homeschooling "Individually Configured Education" because he was from Harvard and encouraging the wealthy to buy ridiculous amounts of materials.
• Review of "Discover Your Child's Learning Style" - Kindle Hodson

DEVELOPING YOUR FRAME OF HEART

• It seems the happiest humans sprinkled throughout mankind's history were those who found balance between head and heart, between intellect and emotion.  Accept-Observe-Know
• Accept.




Accept the things we cannot change

We sometimes choose to fight nature by trying to alter a child's natural inclination to fit someone else's picture of how this child should be. In so doing, we rob children of their uniqueness (By default, we rob society too.) By knowing our child's intelligences and learning styles, we know what not to change - so we can accept.

- Often, a different educational goal would  better honor the unique intelligence, disposition and talents of an individual.




WAIT FOR IT...  

LIFE CHANGING QUOTE COMING UP!  

SAY GOOD BYE TO YOUR OLD SELF THAT READ THE ABOVE INFORMATION!!!!




"Once we acknowledge  that it's best not to change something, it's easier for us to let nature take its course, to accept.  Accepting, then, means giving up your own perceptions of what should be and allowing what is, to blossom." - DOBSON




  ANOTHER ONE ....

"Going against the majority and accepting responsibility while others give it away take courage."

"Acceptance bestows remarkable peace on its bearer and on those who are accepted as they are."




ADMIT IT- you are not the same person anymore :-)




 Instead of looking for problems to fix/control, you can now watch for clues that will help you to help your child learn and enjoy it.  Ideally, you will observe your child with a loving heart.  If the heart isn't loving, you will not be observing, but merely watching.




Ask your child questions - remember the answers.  Have more organic chat time so that it isn't a Spanish inquisition.




Finally - "Homeschooling is life, intensified.  The fears come and go.  Remember that success at homeschooling doesn't necessarily involve being the youngest child ever to perform with the Philharmonic.  Sometimes  it's just getting really good at staring at the cat."  Kathryn Baptista




OK - is this AMAZING?!  Not only is it practical and helpful in forming an academic approach, it seems that it rings true to the SOUL.  How many times have I wanted to be ACCEPTED and not CHANGED?  Granted, some of the things I wanted others to accept were ludicrous and even bad for me or them, but the things that weren't damaging - the "weird" parts of me that weren't the hottest thing at the cocktail party or whatever - 

How can I ACCEPT my daughter's innocent uniqueness, if I cannot accept my own?  Ironically, even before I read this, I had an AMAZING chat with Ginger just lying on her bed.  Sweet Ginger.  After reading this, I look forward to many, many more of those.

GOD MADE US AND HE LOVES US JUST THE WAY HE MADE US!!!!!!   

I'LL GO AHEAD AND SIGN OFF THERE.  I need to swim in some love.

Pre-emptive Strike

I wonder how many homeschool moms would recommend anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds as a pre-emptive strike?
I just want to have all my tools in the tool box ;). Signed - kiddingonthesquare

Things To Think About but NOT OVERthink

OY - the plague of the mind.  I tell ya -  I am so grateful for wisdom in proverbs, good news from friends and love to fill my mind.  Otherwise the floodgates open to the inertia of negativity and/or just the static of the day.
Something I didn't think I'd think about the homeschool journey is my spousal relations.  My husband and I work together in Real Estate (he does 95% of the work outside the office and in the home office).  I have learned a LOT about our marital dynamics through this journey and I had no idea that the notion of homeschooling would kind of send me into an "overthink" about my husband.
"Will he micromanage my homeschool process?"
"Will I feel like I'm reporting to him my progress so I'm not judged as lazy or harsh?"
Ugh - so many thoughts... so, I just asked him how he's been feeling about the research I've done.
"Great!  I had just accepted that you may not ever want to do it - so, this is just a bonus and will be what's best for the kids."
Hmf.  Well, that wasn't what I was expecting.  So simple.  So lovely.
I get in my own damn way.
I didn't read my book today and I feel guilty.  That is more of a confession and absolution all in one :-).

WHAT Am I Thinking?!?!?!

We woke up this morning, after an all-nighter of my son puking in the bathroom (tho he's adorable and cuddly when he's sick) and it's a beautiful day outside.  I drive Ginger to the neighborhood school (the one I went to) and see our neighbors pulling up to drop their kids off, kids playing on the playground - that awesome noise - and all of the other fun busy-ness that comes with a small neighborhood elementary school.
It is so cute.  The kids will do great and I'm sure going to miss a lot about the school.  I am also going to miss dropping my daughter off and having time with my son.  I'm going to miss dropping off my daughter and my son and having a shopping/lunch date with a friend.  I'm going to miss volunteering for school parties.  I'm going to miss the Halloween parade and seeing all the kids in their costumes.  I'm going to miss the music performances on the stage.   So many things.  Like I said, I didn't come to homeschooling because I don't like schools.  I LOVE SCHOOLS!!!!  I love teachers! I was public school - hubby was private school - both good. What I love most about it is the social piece. I am a social/relational person;  albeit awkwardly. Even though I had horrific years in Middle School - well, 7th grade mainly, I had so many more fun years.  Granted, I made some hilariously bad decisions - but overall - I have such a fondness for the potential for my kids there.
I feel like I'm leaving my country and yet still living here.  Weird.  Weird.  I'm going to be weirder in my community than I already am.  My kids are going to be the "homeschool" kids.
I was SO glad to know that I can enroll Ginger in the neighborhood school for Art and Music class, and she can stay for recess with her friends there.  That is amazing flexibility and I'm so grateful to the district and the principal for arranging for that.  I think it'd be too hard to just cut it off completely and this will be great for Ginger to keep in touch with friends in a new yet familiar way.
I am looking forward to reading the next chapter in my book so that I'll get some encouragement.  It was funny, one of the passages I read was about how schooled kids' (public or private) parents don't like to hear about homeschooling because of the elitist attitude the hs parents have.  I think I'll just be jealous of the schooled kids' parents and sheepishly change the subject if it comes up.  I don't like homeschool parents either. :-)

A LITTLE COMIC RELIEF

awesome, hysterical, bomb-the-homeschool-myth-comedy

It Takes A Village

Interesting stuff... went to a homeschool group tonight.  Knew a few of the ladies from brief introductions but not close friends.  However, the discussion questions each table was to discuss sparked incredible discussion.

More curriculum research (realizing this is the never-ending project)

• There is so much to choose from and yet each family is so different and so is each mom.

More than anything else... there was a spiritual element to the discussion that was truly humble, not "religious" or arrogant.  There was just a desire to incorporate the soul instead of compartmentalize it into a forbidden subject or simply one that is outside of the others.

That my daughter can talk about the Bible or prayer or her own relationship with God openly and is happy to look for God in the little things she's learning is pretty awesome.  I leave God at the door or the elevator or in the car, whenever it is convenient to the situation.

I am a recovering compartmentalist.

The opposite of that is to celebrate the soul in us and in all of us.  Pretty cool.  

Every day won't be this profound but I'm a rookie and easily impressed.

I did feel awkward and like I didn't really 'click' - but, that is a familiar feeling to me :-).

I disagreed with some of the women's practice of their faith.

It was a great - healthy environment.  I had differences.  So did they.

Moving on :-)  I love being the rookie though... then you don't know the real deal behind the deal...

RANDOM REVELATIONS OF YUMMINESS

After writing that last post and spending a day with my kids, and writing and thinking and listening to sweet music in the backyard - My inner non-conformist efficiency-addict is.... getting.... VERY... VERY... excited!  Fear is beginning to wane today....  Have done a bit of housework but nothing major :-).  The permission that I can love and observe and listen is beyond refreshing... I used to adore the external corporate schedule.  Tell me what to do and underpay me.  It's worth it because I KNOW I can pay my rent (barely).  I know where to go.  I know what to say and how to email and who to cc and bcc and who not to.  I know how to leave early without the boss knowing, because I'm not doing anything anyway.  Working for myself was like the same cliff as homeschooling.  I thought I would be swallowed alive and that no check would come without first going through a colossal HR department first.  No one telling me what to do but me?  Ooooh wait!  I remember that concept!  When I was a dancer and choreographing a solo piece.  No one but me.  I pushed myself harder and was more creative than I'd ever had to be when in class.  The technique and practice empowered me to move in a way that truly expressed how strange my thoughts were.  Or, express beauty that was painful or pain that was beautiful...  How am I drawing these connections now...  who CARES?  I see God in this fluidity...

The First Year Of Homeschooling Your Child

OK - so, next update.  Thank you for all of your positive feedback and I do always welcome different views/opinions/challenges too :-).

I just started reading "The First Year Of Homeschooling Your Child" by Linda Dobson and I am SO GRATEFUL SHE WROTE THIS BOOK!  Click on the link below for the Amazon page.  You can preview it as well.

The First Year of Homeschooling Your Child

I've just read the first two chapters today and I gained these takeaways:

1. Build a foundation
• Journal your reasons for researching/considering/doing homeschooling
• Begin to observe your own educational philosophy as it emerges
• Research the legal requirements in your city/state for homeschooling
• Decide how you will assess your child's progress (I have found there are several wonderful and easy ways to do this.  One, through an "Umbrella School" that files your paperwork with the state, conducts independent assessment tests and can help with curricula recommendations for your child's specific learning style & your teaching style - for Colorado it's SHILOH or CHEC or several online Umbrella options.  CHEC and SHILOH are Christian organizations but do not have any denominational bent in their assessments, etc.
• Finally, as the curricula research commences, the pandora's box of spending can occur.  Decide on a budget - then begin the research.
2. The first step is up to you.
• There is no first step of all first steps
• Get comfortable observing yourself and your child in meditation, prayer and lots of PLAY!
• "I wish someone had told me that it is better to jump in, get started, and learn from your mistakes than to sit worrying and trying to decide what to do and how to do it "perfectly." 
• Karyn Scallorn, Stanley, Wisconsin - quoted in the book
• Preparing food for their mind and heart is no less worthy of your time and attention than preparing food for their body.  
• If you realize from the get-go that homeschooling doesn't HAVE to mean "school at home, " if you understand that love for your child will see you through, and if you realize that homeschooling can fit a wide variety of family circumstances and needs, this crash course will get your wheels turning in the right direction... Pg 5
3. Every Day Will Not Be Perfect - take a break and give yourself one...
4. If it feels like you are forcing the learning (you'll know if one or both of you are crying) then it may be the wrong time, curriculum or approach
5. Many reluctant homeschoolers are just plain scared, for all the same reasons you can think of to be scared (ME!!!!!)
6. Spend the majority of time your first year just observing you & your child & getting information yourself.  You will be amazed at how much learning happens.
• Observe this little things too
• what time of day is best for your homeschool to happen?
• when are you and your child the most apt to absorb things?
• What subjects are your child naturally curious about ("academic" or not?)
• How do they explore new things?  Talking? Doing?
• Do they learn better sitting? Standing? Listening to music?
• Learn to just let go and love your kids and their learning style will become easily obvious
7. Be aware that there will be a culture shock and agitation for you (and less likely your child) when there is no externally imposed school schedule and organization.
8. You will never have all of the answers
9. Don't compare yourself to other homeschool moms
10. It's OK to take time off during challenging times.  A day, a week a month.  You'll have no problem catching up and it's better to have that Grace then square peg it.
11. Enjoy being together and relax is the MOST important aspect of the first year.  "What you do does not matter as much as the spirit in which you do it."
12. Be your own guinea pig

Not Just for Dresses With Doilies Anymore!!!

Well, here we go!

This is my official launch of the commitment to homeschool Ginger, my first grader next year.  This has been a 4 year journey and from the folks I have talked to, there seem to be a tremendous amount of moms out there who are interested in the choice of homeschooling but are completely overwhelmed by different aspects of the notion.
The initial research alone is like drinking from a fire hose so, I will blog my thoughts/ideas/research here and if you see something you want more info on, please email me and I'll try to help.

Why did I decide to homeschool?

- Well, I honestly was bothered by divine intervention for 4 years.  I am not the "homeschool" type.  I am not patient.  I don't fear the world.  I don't wear doilies of any kind on any occasion.  I don't own goats.

- However, I continued to meet homeschool families - not seeking them out - just "randomly" over the years.  My daughter asked me to homeschool her, even though she LOVES her school.  I became very curious about the efficiency factor, the international factor, the foreign language factor, the possibilities are continuing to open up as I research.  The sky, it seems, is the limit!

- Only 4-5% of the US population is home schooled and that population increases by 75% every year.

- Though I love public schools and private for a bajillion reasons and think teachers are amazing, the schedule and approach to the traditional school system seems a bit antiquated.  It is, at best, limited.

-  My husband was interested in it from the get-go

- It allows for tremendous curiosity and creativity to flourish

- It doesn't foster an attitude of compartmentalizing education into a specific location/building/time frame.  - - Education becomes part of every day, every thing, every where and every one.

- It fosters family and the maturation process occurs in a natural environment - organically.

- There are incredible opportunities not just to provide academic enrichment, but life-lessons/character development skills that would be otherwise missed opportunities.

The list could go on and on...

What am I afraid of/hesitant about?

- I am impatient and a terrible teacher

- I'll hurt our relationship

- I won't have "me" time

- I won't know where I start and she stops

- I'll yell

- She'll yell

- I'll miss something critical that she should have had

- I'll be lazy

- I'll yell

- She'll yell

- the Judgement of others

- I'll have to be with other weird homeschool moms who I judge

Why those fears aren't stopping me?

- If a teacher is in charge of 30 kids - I can at least cover 1 kid in the way I need to in a shorter amount of time.

- If it gets too dark and stormy - she's back in school :-).

OK - so, that's a good start - I'll post about my curriculum/daily schedule research next....